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Do you love him the same? Adoption woes…

Upon hearing that I adopted my son, people ask lots of cringe-worthy questions. Others must wonder what our family dynamic is like since our child is not biological, so I have vowed to be understanding and informative.

One of the best questions I have been asked is “Do you love him the same?” For the record, I was not offended by this question. Before I met Oliver, I also wondered if I would love him the same.

And the answer is yes, of course I do.

I love my son more than I will ever be able to explain. He is handsome, funny and smart. He makes me proud every day. And, like every other parent, I wish he would sleep more regularly and stop feeding his dinner to the dogs.

I worry about him bonking his head when he attempts to climb on everything. My heart melts every single time he gives me a sloppy, open-mouth kiss. I hope that he grows up to be confident, happy, caring, smart, fun-loving and hard-working.

We have all of the same ups and downs in our parent / child relationship that everyone else has.


Today, Oliver turned 9 months old. I feel like I have finally known him for as long as his birth mom knew him. Now, don’t coo and feel sorry for me. I’m not looking for sympathy.

I knew my son before he was born. I knew what his personality would be like and I knew what it would feel like to be his mom. I just hadn’t met him yet.

God had a plan for me. He wanted me to be Oliver’s mom. So, I am! And I couldn’t be happier.


10 Responses to “Do you love him the same? Adoption woes…”

  1. Amy

    Beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes 🙂 Best wishes to you and your family, Mary!!!

  2. Shannon

    I am sorry to say it, but anyone who asks you that question is slightly ignorant. He is your son and you are his mother. Carrying a baby around in your belly is one of the smallest easiest parts of being a parent, its not what makes one. Kudos to you 🙂

  3. Brenda Tourtillott

    Mary, I love the comments you made about little Oliver. I to believe you knew him before he was ever born. I also know god had a special plan for your little family. He is beautiful and I admire you and matt so much.There atr so many babies out there that need a loving home with parents who would love them more than life. All i can say is oliver is one lucky baby boy!

  4. oliviascribeOivia

    Mary,beautifully written! Thanks for sharing. I think I would likely wonder if I would love a child I adopted the same as one I birthed, but I have seen you interact with Oliver and there is no question in my mind that you are his mother and love him as who he is, your son.

    • marylemonwater

      Thanks Olivia! You are such a sweet friend. I am lucky to have you in my life, you know it!?

  5. Emily

    While I have two biological children, I can totally understand what you are saying here and how you could love the same. For a long time I was afraid to admit it, but I did not feel an immediate affection for my first son when he was born. I felt fortunate to have him and responsible for his well-being, but I did not feel the overwhelming sense of love that I heard other mothers mention. Even breastfeeding did not make me feel more connected to him emotionally. However, with time, I have grown to love him so much I cannot imagine ever not loving him. I guess what I am saying is that I understand how there can be a physical connection but no emotional and an emotional connection but no physical one. Real and true love can be cultivated and doesn’t rely on biology.

    • marylemonwater

      Emily – What you mention is very common. Even if you give birth to your child, you still have to get to know them. I thought about writing about that, but didn’t know if I could word it correctly. Thanks for bringing it up! Mary


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