My infant son, Oliver, is soundly napping right now. He’s taking a nice, long nap, which is a rarity in our house. And, it’s making me question my decision to start taking him to daycare tomorrow.
You see, I have tried working from home for the last ten months and my work hours have been limited to nap-time or a few hours a week when the nanny comes. Of course, nap time always seems to happen when the nanny comes. So, that has cut into my work time too.
Our childcare arrangement seemed ideal because it would allow our family some flexibility. My husband, Matt, works in the Emergency Room and generally works 12-hour shifts. His days off are usually mid-week and a child in full-time daycare might not get to see him much.
However, nap times have gotten shorter and nanny availability varies with class schedules, illnesses and other life interruptions.
I have thought a lot about quitting my job to stay at home with Oliver. And, that option is still on the table, if I’m being totally honest. But, I love what I do. I love the stimulation and challenge that work provides almost as much as I love being a mom. I also think that our social, active and intelligent child needs more engagement than he will get with a playdate here and there.
Tomorrow Oliver will start going to daycare two days per week. It’s not much, but hopefully it gives him some socialization and stimulation that he cannot get at home. And, hopefully more stable child care will allow me to work more efficiently and be a less distracted mom.
I am both excited and nervous for my little guy. I wanted to be a mom so badly that I’m struggling with the idea that I might miss out on something. But, I think we are making the right choice for all of us.
It’s not like this is a new problem; many moms have dealt with these insecurities over many years, but that doesn’t minimize the challenge when it’s your own family. I am seeking comfort in the words of my husband – Oliver will still be home 5 days a week and if he doesn’t love daycare, all bets are off. 🙂
Please help me wish him luck in this new, grown up chapter!