A friendly resource for women who want to lead better lives

10 Things I Feel Guilty About Doing, but my Husband Doesn’t

He has it right, I am wrong.

1- Going to sporting events without me and the kids- Sports are his thing, but I would like to go to the theater, a concert or the movies and not feel bad about it

2- Weekly lunch with friends- We all need time with friends and without our kids, especially if we want to maintain some sort of relationship with friends who don’t have children or have grown kids. I can count with my hands the times I’ve had lunch with friends and coworkers since my son was born almost two years ago- that is not a good thing

3- Working out- This is good for my mental and physical health, as well as a great example for my children; why do I feel selfish doing it?

4- Ordering take-out instead of cooking- I like to cook and I want to do it as much as possible for the sake of our health and budget, but ordering in every now and again should not make me feel like a bad mother/wife/person

5- Leaving dirty dishes on the sink to be done the next day, or having a messy house- I feel like an inadequate woman, he could care less if it takes a little longer to get the dishes cleaned and put away. I like a tidy home, but at this point with a toddler and an infant at home I should let go of the guilt if I don’t get to it right away. Really, who cares what my house looks like?!

6- Leaving me alone with both our kids- I have yet to do this to him, part of me thinks he won’t be able to deal with it, but in reality, I know he could, and I am the one who has a hard time letting go of the responsibility

7- Getting a haircut- I feel like I am wasting time and money, he feels like it is a necessary grooming practice, which obviously it is

8- Paying for activities for our kids- There are many free resources in our community, and we do take advantage of them, but there are other activities we like to participate in that cost money. I hate to spend money on these because I feel like I should be able to teach and entertain them at this point in their lives, instead of paying someone else to do it. My husband sees it as a good expenditure. Again, he wins

9- Leaving the kids with a sitter/his parents to go on a date- I love my husband so much, and spending time alone with him is really one of my favorite things in the world; since having kids, though, all I can think of when we are out on our own is whether the kids are well, which of course they are because they are either with a trusted sitter or my in-laws

10- Going to work- I love my job, and I love the fact that I can work part-time and stay home the rest of the time to spend time with my children. Our childcare arrangement is enviable; for the last year and a half, my son has stayed home with his dad while I am at work, so why do I feel guilty about wanting to work? My husband certainly doesn’t, and neither should I. Don’t you think?

LW-GuiltMeme

Can you add to this list? Do you have words of wisdom to help me and other moms let go of this useless guilt?

4 Responses to “10 Things I Feel Guilty About Doing, but my Husband Doesn’t”

  1. Dana K

    I feel the same way about so many of these. I’m trying to learn from my husband in some of these areas, and he’s learning from me on the housekeeping issue. 🙂 Haircut? It’s been over a year! My sister actually offered at Christmas to buy me one… These aren’t making me resentful, but they are areas I really need to work on for the good of our family – dates probably being the most important. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • oliviascribe

      Dana, it is a work in progress for me too. Acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself is part of the process, though. Good luck and thanks for reading!

      Reply
  2. Emily

    I’m right there with you on ALL of these items, Olivia. I finally came to the point last summer when I realized that not allowing myself some leeway in these areas was an act of self-inflicted punishment and made me resentful and unhappy. I’ve started to make some small changes toward the positive. I used to feel that going to yoga class was an unnecessary expense that took time away from my family, even though I love it. I am now going once a week, my husband watches the kids, and I feel better mentally and physically. I thought my boys would cry when I leave (because I miss bedtime), but instead, they ask me if I am going to yoga, give me a big hug and are back to whatever they were doing before. It is now part of the routine. Are we as women “wired” differently, or is it that our culture tells us that a mother must devote all of her time/energy to her family?

    Reply
    • oliviascribe

      Emily, good for you for taking the time to do something you love. I am looking forward to starting going to yoga again soon. I don’t think we are wired differently, I think the expectations from society when it comes to child and home care are different for men and women, and so we approach our time differently too. Thanks for sharing your experience.

      Reply

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