There are a lot of different kinds of adoption, but the situations under which I adopted my children are very special to me. Both times, I became an “instant mom”.
When both of our kids were born, my husband and I were hoping to adopt but we were not matched. This means that we did not know our boys’ birth moms beforehand, nor did we have any warning that a baby would be coming into our lives.
We just got a call that there was a baby for us – one was on his way and would be born 12 hours later, the other had already been born. We just went to the hospital and became “instant parents”.
Many people would freak out if this happened. I didn’t have one thing prepared – no crib, no diapers, no nursery at all. I didn’t have maternity leave scheduled at work and I didn’t have meals stored in the freezer. I didn’t go through pre-natal care with the birth mom, and I didn’t take a parenting class or mentally prepare for the change this would bring to my life.
If having a child is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life, this might add to it.
However, I wouldn’t have done it ANY other way.
The chance of an adoption match falling through is really high – I have experienced it – and it is terribly painful. I don’t actually know what it’s like to have a successful adoption with an early match – maybe it’s great – but I felt completely out of my element the whole time we were matched.
Our first two months of parenthood were very chaotic. Setting up a nursery, the legal process, and adjusting to a new life were all just tossed in our laps one day. But, I got to do it while being a mom to and holding the sweetest babies.
I would absolutely recommend this avenue of adoption if it is an option to you. It seems stressful, but it is so worth it! And, for me, it was way less stressful than being matched ahead of time.
If you are considering this possibility, it might help to have a few ducks in a row:
- An adoption attorney who will need to bring legal papers to the hospital
- An infant car seat
- Someone to help with your household while you’re gone – pets, kids, plants, etc. will need to be tended to on very short notice
- Someone who can run grab a few things for you like diapers, formula, and baby clothes
- Friends with hand-me-downs or baby things you can barrow – you don’t need much the first month, but I found the 5 B’s to be very helpful: bassinet, baby carrier, bottles, bouncy chair, and bath seat
Honestly, though, anyone who knows you want to adopt will be more than happy to help you with these tasks – with or without advance warning. Or, you can call me. I will definitely do it for you! I had lots of people pitch in to help me and I welcome the opportunity to pay it forward!
What do you think… could you become an instant mom? Would it be more fun or less fun this way?