A friendly resource for women who want to lead better lives

When Infertility Affects Your Friendships

As a mom of two, I am sometimes lucky to forget the struggle infertility caused me. Some days, I am so busy and my house is so crazy, that I just don’t worry about it any more. These were the times I longed for throughout my journey with infertility. I couldn’t wait for it to be behind me.

But, I realize now that it never really stops being a part of your life.

Like today, for example, my friends left on a girls trip without me. Their kids are older than mine and easier to leave behind, but this time I just couldn’t make it work. During the planning process of this trip, I found myself thinking “dang, if I’d had a baby eight years ago, I wouldn’t be in this situation.”

That sounds so selfish as I write it. But, here’s the deal. I went through YEARS of hanging with my friends and their kids: park dates, fro-yo, baby-talk, etc. because they had little kids and couldn’t be on the go as much as I could. I also longed for the relationships they formed with each other as they bonded over parenting issues. Now, the tables are turned. They are past the little kid stage, while I am finally in it.

I find myself having to make new friends simply so my kids can have playdates. I have a few friends with young kids, and have met a few really nice women too. But, I am an “old mom” and there aren’t many of us where I live.

Opening up to new people is hard for anyone, and I don’t want to do this “new friend” thing all over again!

But, it’s part of the journey, isn’t it? I am an “old mom” and, while I am lucky to be a mom, it also means that I have a few challenges ahead of me.

Challenges are part of infertility. It’s not just the physical challenge of getting pregnant. It’s the challenge of attending baby showers without crying, feeling left out of the parenting club, relating to people who are pregnant or nursing, and being patient with people who complain about their children. It’s a challenge to speak out about your situation without having people look at you with pity. It’s a challenge to find other women who are in the same place in life so you can support one another.

So, while I am reflecting on this particular challenge with some frustration, I know that I have overcome bigger challenges. I still want to go on that darn girls trip, but instead, I am going to smile and embrace the time with my young kiddos. I worked so hard to get here.

While a mommy getaway is a necessity in staying sane, sometimes the timing doesn't workout. On this upcoming trip, I'm choosing to love my kiddos like crazy instead. :) While a mommy getaway is a necessity in staying sane, sometimes the timing doesn’t work out. On this upcoming trip, I’m choosing to love my kiddos like crazy instead. 🙂

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2 Responses to “When Infertility Affects Your Friendships”

  1. Senika @ Foodie Blog Stalker

    Just found your blog and man did this post hit home for me. I’m not a Mom but have been the friend without kids for many, many years. If we do conceive I will, without a doubt, be the “old mom” and struggle the same way, I’m sure. Thank you for your honesty and openness. So refreshing!

    Reply
  2. oliviascribe

    Mary, although this obviously doesn’t make a difference in your life, in other places you would not be considered an “old mom”. Where we are now, I am always around the same age as other mom’s with kids that are same age as mine. Even in the distance, being in the same life stage with you, has been wonderful for me, and I hope for you too. I miss you so so much. XO Olivia

    Reply

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